Compassion, Understanding and other Traits That We Need To Practice To Help Others In Their Recovery

 If we want to help our fellow OCD sufferers recover, we would be wise to cultivate certain qualities that will help in their healing……Compassion…. Understanding….. Empathy….And love.  The last thing that we need is someone who does not understand our pain. Nor wants to understand. It can be frustrating.

Years ago, I went to a support group for those suffering from mental illnesses. The group briefly touched on the symptoms of OCD. They offered me advice which came from the group’s literature. The members thought it was great wisdom. But they were not OCD sufferers. The members were totally clueless about my OCD. I was hurting even more. I was not only fighting my OCD, I was also fighting the members.

 

When it comes to recovery, it is not just the help one receives, it is often how it is said that can make the difference. Many people who try to help us will convey their advice/help using “sarcasm” in their tone of voice. Their advice, though "maybe" helpful, is delivered with such distain, it can hurt more than the actual emotional wounds. 

And it’s no wonder sarcasm hurts. The word “sarcasm” comes from the Greek word  ”sarco” which means “to tear flesh.”

 

We also must be aware and deter those individuals who want to play “rescuer” or “hero” to the hurting. They become amateur psychologists.

Members try to box other members into their way of thinking, their values, their philosophy. Because it has worked for them, it must work for others. We see this with the fundamental religious and life coaches. They are not aware that one man’s medicine is another man’s poison.

I believe that they are doing more harm giving such advice.

 

Things like love and empathy can work on a professional level. In his classic bestseller “The Road Less Traveled,” American psychiatrist Dr. M. Scott Peck suggests when it comes to therapy, a lay person like a plumber has a better success rate offering therapy if he offers it with love and empathy versus traditional therapy by a psychotherapist.

 

If we are in the position of helping an OCD sufferer, we can start by being a good listener. A person with a sensitive ear, a caring heart, a non judgment mind can soothe more heartaches, more emotional wounds by being that listener. Those listeners are a rare breed.

According to the book “Peace Is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh,  a Zen monk, who was nominated for a Noble Peace Prize by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “the essence of love and compassion is understanding, the ability to recognize the physical, material and psychological sufferings of others, to put ourselves "inside the skin" of the other." According to his book, "compassion means, literally, '"to suffer with.""

And, again, according to his book, if we want to understand a person, we have to “feel his feelings” and “suffer his sufferings.” The word “comprehend” is made up of the Latin roots “cum” which means “with” and “prehendere” which means “to grasp it” or “pick it up.” To comprehend something means “to pick it up and be one with it.”

Qualities like empathy and understanding are skills that we all need to hone - be it by medical professionals or by lay people. They have to be taught just like learning any discipline. I do not believe these qualities come natural.

These qualities are not absent only in the outside world. Sadly, I have met, over the years, fellow OCD sufferers who lack them as well.

The core of the Golden Rule states: treat others as you would like to be treated.” We all want compassion and understanding. But how many people are willing to practice them?