What is a Friend??

 In our struggle to overcome our OCD and our other emotional wounds, we all need a friend to lean on. To trust. For support. To help us with our challenges.

There is nothing shameful in asking and having support. Even a broken leg needs a crutch to lean on.

A friend can have all the intelligence in the world. But unless he (or she) has character, he has nothing.

A friend lives by the "Golden Rule" – treating others as he would like to be treated – and not just talks about it. Though my favourite interpretation is Taoism’s: "Treat his neighbour’s gain as his gain; his neighbour’s loss as his loss.”

Though it’s a tall order, a friend tries to practice selfless service like Albert Schweitzer, Mother Theresa or Jesus Christ. And if he can be a fraction of what these humanitarians practiced, he should be proud.

A friend realizes that not helping another is just as bad as inflicting pain – he allows someone’s pain to continue. And the only difference (if there is a difference) is the severity of that pain.

A friend sows love where there is hatred, faith where there is doubt, hope where there is despair etc., etc. as one would ask by reciting the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi.

A friend provides wisdom for a person’s pain, confusion, heartaches.  

A friend is a role model by exalting courage, confronting his own fears, anxieties, setbacks, heartaches which are often faced alone. And through perseverance, he is victorious.

A friend listens with a caring heart and does not pass judgment.  A friend sympathizes with the hurting.  A friend shows compassion. Compassion literally means "to suffer together."

A friend does not force his viewpoints in recovery, realizing the road to recovery is an individual thing. One man's medicine is another man's poison.

A friend does not use sarcasm in his tone of voice. It is hurtful. After all, sarcasm comes from the Greek work “sarco”. It means to tear flesh.

A friend has our best interest at heart, not his (without giving up his self respect).

A friend does not try to change the person into himself. In the words of Tom Merton, “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”

A friend cares.

A friend is a rare gem!!

 

  

 

Meetings

We, as OCD sufferers, family and friends, often don't know where to turn for help. Here's a list of OCD support peer led groups available. 

CANADA

TORONTO, ONTARIO

Group name: OCD TORONTO SUPPORT GROUP
Address:
Romero House Centre (meeting place only), 1558 Bloor Street West (nearest TTC  subway station "Dundas West")
E-mail address: torontowestocdgroup@gmail.com
Contact name: Nathan Poon (Co-Facilitator) 647 - 290 - 9409

Group facilitators background/experience:
A volunteer run peer led OCD support group of almost 30 years that offers a safe, friendly and confidential environment. Our committee members/facilitators are actively engaged in the mental health community and pursuing ongoing personal development.

Is there a cost to attend the group?
Free and no registration required.

How often do the group meetings take place?
The 3rd TUESDAY from September to June from 7:00 P.M.  to 9:30 P.M.

Who is this group for?
People with OCD, family and friends.

Group's format:
We focus on ongoing recovery of OCD, self advocacy, personal development and overall wellness. In the first portion, we have group sharing. In the second portion, group updates and community happenings are discussed followed by a short break. In the third portion, a presentation from fellow members, the OCD community or wellness practitioners are provided to enrich our experience.

Activities Beyond the Group:
A secret Facebook group is available for members who would like to join. Personal online support is provided with info on mental health community happenings and various OCD newsletters plus valuable wellness tools to help members cope. Socials and other events are arranged throughout the year. Proud Organizer and Host of the Annual Toronto OCD Support Groups Forum held in August.

Group Name:
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE ANONYMOUS (OCA) FIRST TORONTO

 What?: a self help group focusing on recovery, sharing and support

Who?:  persons with OCD and/or family and friends

When?:  the 4th Thursday of each month, 6:30 - 8:15 P.M. followed by informal socializing.

Where?: NEW LOCATION: 33 Russell St. Room 2029, Ground Floor,  behind 250 College St. (the old Clarke Institute) Toronto. Russell runs parallel to College. Use main entrance on Russell. Doors lock at 6:30 p.m. Buzz security. 

How?:

(A) meetings. OCA is rooted in the 12 step program and employs various formats including video, personal stories, thematic presentations etc.

VOLUNTARY sharing and discussion are at the heart of all meetings. In addition, CONFIDENTIALITY  is a cornerstone principle of OCA.

(B) socializing and support. Informal socializing takes place after the conclusion of the meeting at around 8:15 P.M.  Members also have the opportunity to share phone numbers and e-mail addresses and join our confidential Facebook group.

(C) Resources. Many resources are available for loan including dvd's on cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), Scrupulosity, books like "The Brain that Changes Itself" and articles on CBT for OCD Mindfulness and OCD Treatment and a "Survival Guide for Family and Friends."

(D) International OCD Foundation.  Some members are regular attendees at the annual IOCDF CONFERENCES and are able to share new information and resources at meetings, including booklets of all the lecture notes from particular conferences.

Why? to work towards recovery from OCD and to meet others on their own recovery journey.

Other: there are no dues or fees, nor is any registration necessary. A collection is taken up (giving is totally optional) according to the seven tradition of most 12 step programs.

Contacts: Jenn @ ocatorontogroup@gmail.com 
                               to receive BCC e-mails re: meetings, related events
                
                  Mary Lyn @ mlkieffer@gmail.com
                
                 Joe @ jj14@rogers.com

Website: ocatoronto.ca

YOU ARE NO LONGER ALONE!!

Hugging - The Cure For What Ails Us

(Information for this essay comes from the following websites: sott.net and calmclinic.com)

 

There are a host of medical benefits why hugging is good for us such as enhancing one’s immune system. But there are a couple of benefits that may be of interest for OCD sufferers.

Hugging stimulates dopamine, the pleasure hormone. Dopamine gives us that feel good feeling and helps with motivation.

Procrastination, self doubt, lack of enthusiasm are linked with low levels of dopamine. Hugs are said to adjust these levels.

Hugging also stimulates serotonin. Serotonin flows when we feel significant or important. Loneliness and depression appear when serotonin is absent.

Low levels of serotonin are linked to OCD.

Hugging for an extended time lifts one serotonin levels, elevating mood and creates happiness.

Hugging is something that we all need. It is definitely something we can all give.

                                             * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The following piece comes from a “Dear Abby” column submitted by Eileen Perry. It's about the benefits of hugging.

 

No moveable parts

No batteries to wear out

No periodic check ups

Low energy consumption

High energy yield

Inflation proof

No monthly payments

No insurance requirements

Theft proof

Non taxable

Non polluting

And, of course, fully returnable

 

Hugging is healthy

It relieves tension

Combats depression

Reduces stress

Improves blood circulation

It’s invigorating

It’s rejuvenating

It elevates self esteem

It generates good will

It has no unpleasant side effects

It is nothing less than a miracle drug

Why Should We Be Ashamed??





I have noticed over the years that many OCD sufferers are ashamed in having this condition. I did a TV talk show back in 1988 or 1989, and several of our members, though they wanted to be in the audience, asked that the cameras not show their faces.

 

So what are OCD sufferers so ashamed of?

 

If we look at the statistics, we are not alone.

 

According to the website “medicaldaily.com”, a new study shows that 94% of people experience intrusive, unwanted thoughts. And it’s how people cope with these thoughts that make the difference, according to the study. According to its author, Adam Radomsky, psychology professor at Concordia University: “it’s what we make of those thoughts.”

 

In his book “Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder”, Dr. Jonathan Grayson PhD states that: “worldwide studies have found lifetime prevalence rates for OCD to vary between 2 and 3 per cent – about one in every 40 people.”

 

And according to the website “mhmrev.org”, 3.3 million Americans have OCD in a given year. And, in 1990, OCD costs the U.S. $8.4 billion in social and economic losses.

 

And according to the website “ocduk.org”, the World Health Organization (WHO) ranked OCD in the top ten of the most disabling illnesses of any kind, in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life.

 

And, then, there are the celebrities who have had OCD. Just a few famous people (living and dead) who, according to the website “disabled-world.com”, have or may have OCD:

 

Charles Darwin       (may have had OCD)

Howard Hughes     

Billy Ray Thornton

Jessica Alba

Donald Trump         (confesses that he has borderline OCD)

Cameron Diaz

Leonardo DiCaprio

Harrison Ford

Howard Stern         (used to suffer from OCD)

Howie Mandel

Penelope Cruz

Ludwig Van Beethoven

Albert Einstein      (thought to have had OCD)

Michelangelo

Charlie Sheen

Davis Beckham

Justin Timberlake  (complicated mix of OCD and attention deficit disorder (ADD))

Roseanne Barr

Stanley Kubrick

Martin Scorsese

Thomas ``Stonewall`` Jackson

Sir Winston Churchill

Kathie Lee Gifford

 

  

Are we really alone?

 

I think that we all have some traits of OCD. Some rituals that we have to perform. We just have them to the extreme.

 

There are the athletes, before the big game who must put on their uniforms a certain way, hoping such practices will bring them victory.

 

Or those individuals obsessed about reading their horoscopes or carrying out acts of superstitions.

 

And let’s not forget those that MUST pray before starting out on their day. Is this not a symptom of OCD?

 

So why should we be so ashamed?

 

We don’t know the exact cause(s) of OCD. There are many prevailing theories. My worry is that if we were to ask 25 doctors, we’d get 25 different answers.

 

My concern is that there are many people who have this condition. And by being afraid and ashamed and by running away, we keep that shame alive.

 

I’ve done talk shows, radio interviews, featured in newspaper articles. I have never once had a negative backlash. I have told friends, co-workers, my employers about my condition. They were stunned that I even had it. My only battle has been with family members and fellow OCD sufferers who have insisted that I take medications.

 

We must acknowledge that OCD is like any other illness. If we keep running away, if we keep hiding, if we are ashamed, we keep the stigma alive. And the OCD sufferers and their family and friends will not get the help that they need. They will suffer in silence. And we are only hurting them.

 

When are we going to stop running away?

 

 

Why Can't I Get Over This Thing??

It’s one of the hardest things to do.

We have an anxiety attack. A fear has hit us. Something that just torments us. This “thing” has us at its mercy. We’d like to forget it. But that’s impossible.  We cannot turn off terror!!

We are told that this “thing” will pass, that it will die a natural death if we just allow it. If only we can believe that.

But that takes time. Unfortunately, patience is not one of our virtues.

Our challenges are more than climbing small mountains; it’s more like climbing Mount Everest.

Bearing pain and terror are part of the healing process. We must, at times, go through a living hell to find peace of mind.

We are told that the laws of nature are such that we have to feel worse before we start feeling better.

We would be wise to heed the words of Benjamin Franklin and learn from pain: “that which hurts, also instructs.”

 

Here are some more quotes about bearing pain and suffering:

 

You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.

– Mary Tyler Moore

 

 

There’s no education like adversity.

– Benjamin Disraeli

 

 

Talents are best nurtured in solitude but character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.

 – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

 

 

Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember: a kite rises against the wind rather than with it.

– author unknown

 

 

 

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials

– Chinese proverb

 

There is no success without hardships

– Sophocles

 

There is probably not a single man or woman, who mostly from self interest, it is true but it might also have been from a superior motive, has not overcome powerful obstacles and accomplished things extremely difficult to undertake.

– Ernest Dimnet

 

 

If you will call your “troubles” “experiences” and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.

– J.R. Miller

 

 

The greater the obstacle, the greater the glory in overcoming it.

- Moliere

 

 

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.

– William Penn

 

 

The finest steel has to go though the hottest fire.

– Richard M. Nixon

 

What Do We Need For Recovery From Our OCD?

 (Information for this essay comes from the following source: the website ocduk.org/what-causes-ocd)

 

What do we really need for recovery from our OCD?  We don’t know the exact causes. We may ask 10 - 15 doctors; we may get just as many different answers.  There are many prevailing theories.

We don’t know why some treatments work for some and not for others.

It is believed that OCD is the result of the combination of the following factors:

1. neurobiological

2. genetic

3. behavioral

4. cognitive

5. environment

 

Even though there are certain parts of the brain are different in OCD sufferers than non OCD sufferers, it is unknown how these differences relate to the precise mechanisms of OCD.

 

An imbalance in the neurotransmitter or brain chemical serotonin could be to blame. Medications known as Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are used to treat OCD. But it is not known why these meds help some people.

 

Brain imaging has shown differences between the brains of people with OCD and those without OCD. But the scientific community is split whether what they have found is a cause or a result of having this disorder.

 

We just don’t know what the causes are or why certain treatments work for some and not for others.  

 

 

 

But there are things that we do know. I’m speaking for the Greater Toronto (Canada) Area and if other areas are similar, then, we have a long way to go.

 

There is a lack of genuine community support for OCD sufferers. As well as their families and friends. They need help as well.

 

Peer support groups can only do so much. They are places for members to share their pains, their frustrations, gather information.  But nothing more.

 

They have no right offering Cognitive Behaviour Therapy ( CBT) for liability reasons.

 

 CBT is hard to come by. In many cases, it is not free and can be costly. The wait lists are lengthy.

 

With apologies for sounding self righteous, in many community mental health agencies, we are often grouped with others who have more severe mental illnesses. Many are marginalized making OCD sufferers uncomfortable. Many of our OCD members have expressed this concern.

 

We may share commonalities with those who suffer from other mental illnesses but we do have differences that others do not understand.  And, I’m sure, we don’t understand them.

 

We need to address not only the OCD but the entire needs of the patients. Treat the persons with the illness, not just his illness.

 

Support should be available 365 days a year, Not just from 9 - 5 Monday – Friday. Our OCD does not take holidays or weekends off.

 

We need more people who understand, empathize with our sufferings. Those with caring hearts. Something that medications cannot offer.  

 

We need employment opportunities if we are to get back on our feet. We have a high unemployment rate. We need to create work environments that are welcoming, understanding.

 

Overcoming our OCD, getting out into the work force is like a cast coming off a broken leg. Recovery is slow, often terrifying. Like a person fearful about reinjuring a healed leg that was once broken, relapses are always fearfully lingering on the backs of our minds.

 

If none of these are true, why, then, does the World Health Organization, according to the website “ocduk.org”, rate OCD as one of the most disabling illnesses of any kind in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life? Why do so many OCD sufferers think about suicide?

 

We have a long way to go!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Forgive, Be Kind....Anyway

 In our journey through life, we try to be the best person we can be. We try to be kind, helpful and generous. Only to have people walk all over us.

 

Rabbi Harold Kushner is fond of saying “just because you are a vegetarian, doesn’t mean the bull won`t attack.”

 

The question is with all the unfairness, the injustices in life, why even bother to love and to forgive? Why even bother to be kind?

 

There are words of wisdom that say that we should love and forgive anyway. Here are the words of Mother Teresa:

 

People are sometimes unreasonable and self centred.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motive.

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you

Be honest anyway

If you find happiness

People may be jealous

Be happy anyway

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have

And may never be enough

Give the best anyway

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God

It never was between you and them anyway.

 

And a quote on a refrigerator magnet reads: “Dance as if no one was watching; love as if you`d never been hurt.”

 

So the question needs to be asked why even bother loving, forgiving, being kind? Everything seems so futile.

 

 

 

I think before we criticize others for their negative behaviour, we should look within ourselves. We should take a look in our own hearts to see who we have offended and violated.

 

I learned a long time ago at a 12 step program, when we point our index fingers accusing someone of a fault, three fingers are pointing back at us.

 

Our weapon is our silence, our apathy. We allow peoples’ pains and anguish to continue by our silence.

 

We need to forgive. Former president of the University Of Notre Dame, The Reverend Theodore M. Hesburgh summed it up nicely: “Why should we be forgiving and merciful without measure? Maybe the simplest answer is that we are all in such need of mercy and forgiveness that we can ill afford not to be merciful and forgiving of others.”

 

And, of course, the words of Jesus Christ when He had asked a crowd who was about to stone a woman for having committed  adultery: “he who is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:7)

 

If we were to look at those who have hurt us, their lives are not to be admired. We need to walk in the shoes of those that have violated us. Maybe we would not be so hard on those that have hurt us.

 

Wrote Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

 

Those who have hate and do harm, I believe, must have more hatred for themselves. Those people are incapable of loving and are more disabled.

 

And our first reaction is to get even, demand vengeance. But in the words of Buddha:  “Hatred does not cease by hatred. But only by love; this is the eternal rule.”

 

But if we are to reach out to the hurting, we have to find the right way to our enemy’s heart. Wrote clergyman Henry Ward Beecher (1813 – 1887): “you never know until you try to reach them how accessible men are but you must approach each man by the right door.”

 

I think that everyone is accessible. We just have to find the right way.

 

We have a 50% chance of being welcomed. Those aren’t bad odds. We don’t know how far our compassion will go.

 

In a society of rugged individualism, there are more hurting wounds. We need to love, forgive, be kind more than ever.

 

I think if we refuse, the only person we will end up hugging is our self.

 

We have a duty to love. In the words of the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia: “man has no choice but to love. For when he does not, he finds his alternatives lie in loneliness, destruction and despair.”