Why Should We Be Ashamed??





I have noticed over the years that many OCD sufferers are ashamed in having this condition. I did a TV talk show back in 1988 or 1989, and several of our members, though they wanted to be in the audience, asked that the cameras not show their faces.

 

So what are OCD sufferers so ashamed of?

 

If we look at the statistics, we are not alone.

 

According to the website “medicaldaily.com”, a new study shows that 94% of people experience intrusive, unwanted thoughts. And it’s how people cope with these thoughts that make the difference, according to the study. According to its author, Adam Radomsky, psychology professor at Concordia University: “it’s what we make of those thoughts.”

 

In his book “Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder”, Dr. Jonathan Grayson PhD states that: “worldwide studies have found lifetime prevalence rates for OCD to vary between 2 and 3 per cent – about one in every 40 people.”

 

And according to the website “mhmrev.org”, 3.3 million Americans have OCD in a given year. And, in 1990, OCD costs the U.S. $8.4 billion in social and economic losses.

 

And according to the website “ocduk.org”, the World Health Organization (WHO) ranked OCD in the top ten of the most disabling illnesses of any kind, in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life.

 

And, then, there are the celebrities who have had OCD. Just a few famous people (living and dead) who, according to the website “disabled-world.com”, have or may have OCD:

 

Charles Darwin       (may have had OCD)

Howard Hughes     

Billy Ray Thornton

Jessica Alba

Donald Trump         (confesses that he has borderline OCD)

Cameron Diaz

Leonardo DiCaprio

Harrison Ford

Howard Stern         (used to suffer from OCD)

Howie Mandel

Penelope Cruz

Ludwig Van Beethoven

Albert Einstein      (thought to have had OCD)

Michelangelo

Charlie Sheen

Davis Beckham

Justin Timberlake  (complicated mix of OCD and attention deficit disorder (ADD))

Roseanne Barr

Stanley Kubrick

Martin Scorsese

Thomas ``Stonewall`` Jackson

Sir Winston Churchill

Kathie Lee Gifford

 

  

Are we really alone?

 

I think that we all have some traits of OCD. Some rituals that we have to perform. We just have them to the extreme.

 

There are the athletes, before the big game who must put on their uniforms a certain way, hoping such practices will bring them victory.

 

Or those individuals obsessed about reading their horoscopes or carrying out acts of superstitions.

 

And let’s not forget those that MUST pray before starting out on their day. Is this not a symptom of OCD?

 

So why should we be so ashamed?

 

We don’t know the exact cause(s) of OCD. There are many prevailing theories. My worry is that if we were to ask 25 doctors, we’d get 25 different answers.

 

My concern is that there are many people who have this condition. And by being afraid and ashamed and by running away, we keep that shame alive.

 

I’ve done talk shows, radio interviews, featured in newspaper articles. I have never once had a negative backlash. I have told friends, co-workers, my employers about my condition. They were stunned that I even had it. My only battle has been with family members and fellow OCD sufferers who have insisted that I take medications.

 

We must acknowledge that OCD is like any other illness. If we keep running away, if we keep hiding, if we are ashamed, we keep the stigma alive. And the OCD sufferers and their family and friends will not get the help that they need. They will suffer in silence. And we are only hurting them.

 

When are we going to stop running away?

 

 

Why Can't I Get Over This Thing??

It’s one of the hardest things to do.

We have an anxiety attack. A fear has hit us. Something that just torments us. This “thing” has us at its mercy. We’d like to forget it. But that’s impossible.  We cannot turn off terror!!

We are told that this “thing” will pass, that it will die a natural death if we just allow it. If only we can believe that.

But that takes time. Unfortunately, patience is not one of our virtues.

Our challenges are more than climbing small mountains; it’s more like climbing Mount Everest.

Bearing pain and terror are part of the healing process. We must, at times, go through a living hell to find peace of mind.

We are told that the laws of nature are such that we have to feel worse before we start feeling better.

We would be wise to heed the words of Benjamin Franklin and learn from pain: “that which hurts, also instructs.”

 

Here are some more quotes about bearing pain and suffering:

 

You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.

– Mary Tyler Moore

 

 

There’s no education like adversity.

– Benjamin Disraeli

 

 

Talents are best nurtured in solitude but character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.

 – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

 

 

Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember: a kite rises against the wind rather than with it.

– author unknown

 

 

 

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials

– Chinese proverb

 

There is no success without hardships

– Sophocles

 

There is probably not a single man or woman, who mostly from self interest, it is true but it might also have been from a superior motive, has not overcome powerful obstacles and accomplished things extremely difficult to undertake.

– Ernest Dimnet

 

 

If you will call your “troubles” “experiences” and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.

– J.R. Miller

 

 

The greater the obstacle, the greater the glory in overcoming it.

- Moliere

 

 

No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.

– William Penn

 

 

The finest steel has to go though the hottest fire.

– Richard M. Nixon

 

What Do We Need For Recovery From Our OCD?

 (Information for this essay comes from the following source: the website ocduk.org/what-causes-ocd)

 

What do we really need for recovery from our OCD?  We don’t know the exact causes. We may ask 10 - 15 doctors; we may get just as many different answers.  There are many prevailing theories.

We don’t know why some treatments work for some and not for others.

It is believed that OCD is the result of the combination of the following factors:

1. neurobiological

2. genetic

3. behavioral

4. cognitive

5. environment

 

Even though there are certain parts of the brain are different in OCD sufferers than non OCD sufferers, it is unknown how these differences relate to the precise mechanisms of OCD.

 

An imbalance in the neurotransmitter or brain chemical serotonin could be to blame. Medications known as Selective Serotonin Re-Uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are used to treat OCD. But it is not known why these meds help some people.

 

Brain imaging has shown differences between the brains of people with OCD and those without OCD. But the scientific community is split whether what they have found is a cause or a result of having this disorder.

 

We just don’t know what the causes are or why certain treatments work for some and not for others.  

 

 

 

But there are things that we do know. I’m speaking for the Greater Toronto (Canada) Area and if other areas are similar, then, we have a long way to go.

 

There is a lack of genuine community support for OCD sufferers. As well as their families and friends. They need help as well.

 

Peer support groups can only do so much. They are places for members to share their pains, their frustrations, gather information.  But nothing more.

 

They have no right offering Cognitive Behaviour Therapy ( CBT) for liability reasons.

 

 CBT is hard to come by. In many cases, it is not free and can be costly. The wait lists are lengthy.

 

With apologies for sounding self righteous, in many community mental health agencies, we are often grouped with others who have more severe mental illnesses. Many are marginalized making OCD sufferers uncomfortable. Many of our OCD members have expressed this concern.

 

We may share commonalities with those who suffer from other mental illnesses but we do have differences that others do not understand.  And, I’m sure, we don’t understand them.

 

We need to address not only the OCD but the entire needs of the patients. Treat the persons with the illness, not just his illness.

 

Support should be available 365 days a year, Not just from 9 - 5 Monday – Friday. Our OCD does not take holidays or weekends off.

 

We need more people who understand, empathize with our sufferings. Those with caring hearts. Something that medications cannot offer.  

 

We need employment opportunities if we are to get back on our feet. We have a high unemployment rate. We need to create work environments that are welcoming, understanding.

 

Overcoming our OCD, getting out into the work force is like a cast coming off a broken leg. Recovery is slow, often terrifying. Like a person fearful about reinjuring a healed leg that was once broken, relapses are always fearfully lingering on the backs of our minds.

 

If none of these are true, why, then, does the World Health Organization, according to the website “ocduk.org”, rate OCD as one of the most disabling illnesses of any kind in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life? Why do so many OCD sufferers think about suicide?

 

We have a long way to go!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love, Forgive, Be Kind....Anyway

 In our journey through life, we try to be the best person we can be. We try to be kind, helpful and generous. Only to have people walk all over us.

 

Rabbi Harold Kushner is fond of saying “just because you are a vegetarian, doesn’t mean the bull won`t attack.”

 

The question is with all the unfairness, the injustices in life, why even bother to love and to forgive? Why even bother to be kind?

 

There are words of wisdom that say that we should love and forgive anyway. Here are the words of Mother Teresa:

 

People are sometimes unreasonable and self centred.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motive.

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you

Be honest anyway

If you find happiness

People may be jealous

Be happy anyway

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have

And may never be enough

Give the best anyway

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God

It never was between you and them anyway.

 

And a quote on a refrigerator magnet reads: “Dance as if no one was watching; love as if you`d never been hurt.”

 

So the question needs to be asked why even bother loving, forgiving, being kind? Everything seems so futile.

 

 

 

I think before we criticize others for their negative behaviour, we should look within ourselves. We should take a look in our own hearts to see who we have offended and violated.

 

I learned a long time ago at a 12 step program, when we point our index fingers accusing someone of a fault, three fingers are pointing back at us.

 

Our weapon is our silence, our apathy. We allow peoples’ pains and anguish to continue by our silence.

 

We need to forgive. Former president of the University Of Notre Dame, The Reverend Theodore M. Hesburgh summed it up nicely: “Why should we be forgiving and merciful without measure? Maybe the simplest answer is that we are all in such need of mercy and forgiveness that we can ill afford not to be merciful and forgiving of others.”

 

And, of course, the words of Jesus Christ when He had asked a crowd who was about to stone a woman for having committed  adultery: “he who is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:7)

 

If we were to look at those who have hurt us, their lives are not to be admired. We need to walk in the shoes of those that have violated us. Maybe we would not be so hard on those that have hurt us.

 

Wrote Henry Wadsworth Longfellow: “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

 

Those who have hate and do harm, I believe, must have more hatred for themselves. Those people are incapable of loving and are more disabled.

 

And our first reaction is to get even, demand vengeance. But in the words of Buddha:  “Hatred does not cease by hatred. But only by love; this is the eternal rule.”

 

But if we are to reach out to the hurting, we have to find the right way to our enemy’s heart. Wrote clergyman Henry Ward Beecher (1813 – 1887): “you never know until you try to reach them how accessible men are but you must approach each man by the right door.”

 

I think that everyone is accessible. We just have to find the right way.

 

We have a 50% chance of being welcomed. Those aren’t bad odds. We don’t know how far our compassion will go.

 

In a society of rugged individualism, there are more hurting wounds. We need to love, forgive, be kind more than ever.

 

I think if we refuse, the only person we will end up hugging is our self.

 

We have a duty to love. In the words of the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia: “man has no choice but to love. For when he does not, he finds his alternatives lie in loneliness, destruction and despair.”

 

 

 

                 

 

 

Getting Our Minds (And Our Hearts) Onto Other things

 It is one of the most difficult things to do. And I have been advised by many to do it. Family, friends. Yes, even, fellow OCD sufferers.

Getting our minds onto something else when we have an OCD attack. Something more positive, more constructive.

And we know as OCD sufferers that is extremely difficult. For some, maybe even impossible.

Psychiatrist Dr. Jeffery Swartz acknowledges this important principle. It’s his step #3 in his book “Brainlock. ” Step 1& 2 acknowledge that when our OCD is acting up, it’s not an attack of our fears but our OCD.

We need to try to get our minds onto other things. And if we can only for a short while, we have made progress. It’s been said that ground work for new brain circuitry starts to grow, allowing us to overcome our OCD.

If we can find and develop some passion, some interest that can divert our attention away from our OCD, we have a better chance in conquering our OCD.

 

A poem that helps me get my mind off of my OCD often is by the late poet Emily Dickinson:

If I can stop one heart from breaking

I shall not live in vain.

If I can ease one life the aching

Or cool one pain

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again

I shall not live in vain.              

 

 

Here are few more quotes that hopefully will inspire sufferers to get their minds off their OCD, even if it is just for a short time.

And I never said that it was easy. 

Remember! We are being bluffed by sensations that lie to us.

 

 

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.

– Charles Dickens

 

 

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have made some difference that you have lived and lived well.

 – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Few will have the greatness to bend history itself but each of us can work to change a small portion of events. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal or acts to improve the lots of others or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope and crossing each other from a million different centres of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

– Robert F. Kennedy

 

If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it. 

- Author unknown

 

Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.

– Horace Mann

 

 

There is a story where a man was walking along a beach, throwing starfishes back into the water. The tide was going back out leaving starfishes along the beach.

A second man had come along wondering what the first man was doing.

“If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die” said the first man.

The second man said that there were miles of beaches with starfishes all along. You cannot make a difference.

The first man said, after throwing another starfish into the water, “It made a difference for that one!”

– Loren Eiseley

(This is a shorter version of what the credited author actually wrote)

 

 

Never forget that you are one of a kind. Never forget that if there weren’t any need for you in all your uniqueness to be on this earth, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. And never forget, no matter how overwhelming life’s challenges and problems seem to be, that one person can make a difference in the world. In fact, it is always because of one person that all the changes that matter in the world come about. So be that one person.

– R. Buckminster Fuller

 

Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them...he cried: ``Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them? God said: ``Ì did do something, I made you.”

 - Author unknown

 

The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to make things better.

- Robert F. Kennedy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Risking

If we are going to conquer/recover from our OCD, we must step out of our “comfort zone” and “take a chance.”

We must risk. Risking is part of the recovery plan. There is an element of vulnerability in risking.

We want security in confronting our fears. But it has been said that security is myth.

Helen Keller once said that “security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

Remember: we are being bluffed my sensations that lie to us.

A poem that I have saved in my scrapbook from an Ann Landers column years ago shows us the problem of risking. Even though it applies to life, it can apply to facing our fears. It’s called “The Dilemma.”

(The Ann Landers column had this poem’s author listed as unknown. However, I used the poem in a previous essay at another website and someone e-mailed me with the author’s name. I have since I deleted that e-mail. If someone knows who the author is, please e-mail me.) 

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental

To reach out for another is to risk involvement

To expose feelings is to risk rejection

To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule

To love is to risk not being loved in return

To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, has nothing, is nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow but he cannot learn, feel change, grow or love. Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave. He has forfeited his freedom. Only a person who takes risk is free.

Here are other quotes that address risking and taking a chance by confronting our fears.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. 

– Marie Curie

To conquer fear is the being of wisdom

– Bertrand Russell

Fear cannot take what you do not give it.

– Christopher Coan

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.

– Joseph Campbell

I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear.

 – Rosa Parks

You are the only one giving fear a leg to stand on.

– Dodinsky

He who fears something gives it power over him.

– Moorish proverb

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.

– Author unknown

Fear insults courage.

– Terri Guillemets

Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile...initially scared me to death.

                                                                                                            – Betty Bender

Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.

– Judy Blume

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

– Dale Carnegie

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

                                                                                                – Eleanor Roosevelt

The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers that fear.

                                                                                                                – Nelson Mandela

The key to change....is to let go of fear.

– Roseanne Cash

He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret to life.

                                                                                            – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Few Things That I Have Learned Over the Years

I have been diagnosed with OCD since 1972 (though I had symptoms much earlier). I have learned a lot. Here are a few things that I have learned that have helped me.

 

But I never said that it was easy!!

 

- Ken Munro

 

 

• In the recovery process, there will be setbacks. New fears will crop up. Old fears can come back to haunt us. We must constantly face these old fears as well as the new ones.

 

• The road to recovery is an individual thing. What works for one sufferer doesn’t necessarily work for another. One man’s medicine is another man’s poison.
   
  And recovery from some treatments will depend on how far the person has progressed in recovery.

 

• In letting go/confronting our fears, there is often a sense of vulnerability. It can be scary. There will be days when we think that we are falling without a safety net.
   
• Fears must be confronted.

 

First, even though it may bring temporary relief, giving in to our compulsions DOES makes matters WORSE. 

 

By giving in, we are keeping the original fear alive and we become prone to new fears.

 

It’s like a scratch. The more we scratch, the sorer the wound becomes.

 

Secondly, my experience has been that if I am confronting even one difficult OCD situation, other OCD fears will act up. We need to confront all fears. We must constantly be letting go of our fears.

 

Thirdly, as the old saying goes:”what goes around comes around.”

 

I had a fear about a broken light bulb back in 1988. I was worried about a piece of glass from this light bulb. For three weeks, I checked everywhere, throwing out many things.

 

A few years later, I was working at factory that made glass products. In the factory’s backyard, there was a “sea” of broken glass.

 

Fears not faced can come back to haunt us.

 

• In confronting our fears, there is an element of faith. We all have that faith. Giving in to our compulsions is wrong. Why are we, then, caught between “a rock and a hard place” when we are confronted by a fear?

 

• Faith is like a muscle. The more we use it, the stronger it grows. Victory over one fear gives us confidence and strengthens our faith in confronting and beating the next fear!

 

• When it comes to our fears, we image what it might be (our OCD) versus what it really is (reality). We must cling to the latter.

 

• When I am confronted by a fear, I think about what is going on inside my brain. And how recovery lies in my own hands.

 

According to the book “The Brain That Changes Itself” by Canadian psychiatrist Dr. Norman Doige, when I have an OCD attack, 3 parts of the brain are involved:

 

            (1) the orbital frontal cortex
            (2) the cingular gyrus and
            (3) the caudate nucleus.

 

The initial attack starts in the “cortex” which sends a signal to the “cingular gyrus” which triggers the dreadful anxiety causing physical sensations we associate with dread.

 

Signals are sent to the “caudate nucleus” allowing our thoughts to flow from one to the next. Except in cases of OCD where the “caudate” becomes extremely “sticky”. It cannot process information. Probably one of the reasons we don’t respond to logic and reasoning when it comes to our fears.

 

By giving in to our compulsions, we reinforce the wiring in our brains and, thereby, reinforce the fears even though they are based on our imagination.

 

But because the brain is plastic, the brain can heal itself if we “let go” of our fears. New circuits grow. Old circuits die.

 

• When we are confronted with an OCD attack, we are being bluffed by a sensation that lies to us. If we give in to our compulsions, we will get caught up in a vicious cycle of our compulsions.  This is one of the principles from “Recovery Inc.” founded by Dr. Abraham Low.
   
• Find a good friend to lean on. For comfort. Support. For wisdom. For empathy. Someone who is understanding. There’s nothing shameful in asking for help. We all need help. Even a broken leg needs a crutch.

 

Sharing pain lessens the burden.

 

• When we confront our fears, there will be, at times, terror. But, eventually, this will subside. We are left with doubt and uncertainty. We can learn to live with this doubt and uncertainty. The late John Finley said that: “maturity of mind is the capacity to endure uncertainty.”

 

• We can find peace of mind even with unresolved problems. This is one of the promises from Obsessive Compulsive Anonymous. (OCA)